Shut Down
by sdbubbles
Summary: Alternate scene for 'Dead and Unburied.' Jenny shuts down and Gibbs forces her to talk about it. All of it.


**A/N: I wrote this so I don't do something stupid tonight. It's 1am and I needed an outlet, so I did the usual. And if someon can tell me how I can sleep without pills, please, please tell me, because this is hell. Everything is worse at night.**

**Sarah x**

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><p>"Now is not Paris," Jenny reminded Gibbs before he snapped at her. They'd just fallen out over lying to people because her idea of withholding the truth appeared to differ from his.<p>

"No. Your priorities were clear in Paris," Gibbs countered. "If I had told you about my first wife, would it have made a difference?" He watched with a pang of remorse when the pain and regret spread across her features like an illness. Suddenly, she was pure white. As much as he would rather neglect the subject, it had to be addressed.

"I guess we'll never know," she answered with a hint of hostility in her voice. Gibbs made his way to her desk and gave her the stare he knew would shake her. "Drop it, Jethro," she pleaded. "We were both wrong. Just leave it in the past."

"But it's not in the past, is it, Jen?" he told her gently. Her habit of avoiding her past and her mistakes was going to cause her so much pain, if it wasn't already. "It's here, following us in everything we do and everything we say."

Jenny looked down at her desk. Why did he feel a need to talk about this? "Just leave it, Jethro," Jenny repeated. She stood up and stared back at him with a glare to rival his own trademark look. She wanted away from him so that she didn't end up kissing him or crossing any of the other lines she'd drawn when she became director. Knowing that she would not get him to leave her office, she hurried out the door and onto the catwalk, where he wouldn't cause a scene.

Jenny heard his footsteps follow her out and felt his arm brush against hers as he leaned on the railing next to her. They watched as Ziva glanced up at them and DiNozzo turned around to snatch a look at whatever had caught the Israeli's attention. "Why do you hide?" Gibbs asked. "It's like you have this mask and it hides who you really are."

"Leave me alone, Gibbs. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters." The string of cold, hard statements left him speechless. She never pushed him away so hard, even when he deserved it.

"It does matter, Jen. Even when we were together, if there was a chance of you getting hurt, you would hide yourself," he said, looking round at her pained face. "You matter, Jenny. Tell me," Gibbs ordered.

"I've done it ever since I was a kid," Jenny shrugged. "When things get hard for me, I shut myself down so that I can't get hurt as badly. It's what I do. Live with it," she snapped. When Gibbs looked at her sceptically, she sighed and lowered her head to stare at the floor metres underneath her. People walked by, completely oblivious to the conversation going on above them.

"Why did you need to do that when you were a child?" Gibbs demanded quietly. Had she been scared of someone, or of something?

"It started when I was about fourteen. Everything got complicated and I couldn't face it so I was a coward and hid from it all," explained Jenny reluctantly. She didn't want to discuss any of this. It was none of his business, but she could see he wasn't about to give it up.

Jenny abruptly started toward the elevator and pressed the button. "Just give me some space, Jethro." She disappeared behind a steel wall. Gibbs shook his head sadly as he rushed downstairs. The only person who knew Jenny as well as him was the newest of his agents.

"Ziva, a word," Gibbs requested, beckoning for Ziva to follow him as he walked past the bullpen. When they were safe from the earshot of anyone else, he began his questioning. "How much do you know about Jenny?"

"I know that you two loved each other, although I let Tony make his own assumptions," Ziva answered bluntly. Why was he asking how well she knew her friend?

"No, before that. When she was a teenager," he narrowed it down for her.

"I know that her mother was sick for some time before she died," offered Ziva. "Jenny knew she would eventually die from the seizures, and it almost killed her to watch her mother die so slowly."

"Anything else?" Gibbs appealed. "Anything, Ziver."

"You need to talk to Jenny about this. It is not my place to say anything about her past. Her mother, she would be OK with. Nothing else, Gibbs. Do not push her because she will only get angry with you. You must talk to her with compassion or you will push her away," the young woman warned seriously.

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><p>Jenny returned to her office and jumped slightly when she discovered that her chair already had someone sitting in it. "Jethro," she exhaled in relief. "What are you doing?"<p>

"Tell me about your mother," Jethro said casually as he could, given how worried he was.

"She's gone," Jenny replied emotionlessly. "End of story, Gibbs," she added with unfriendliness, just as she did before. She didn't want to talk about her relationship with the man questioning her about her past, but she really did not want to answer said questions.

"When?" he asked as he got out of her seat and gestured for her to sit down. She nodded curtly, refusing to let the guard drop.

"When I was seventeen. Why are we discussing this?" she asked, feigning interest.

"Because you won't talk about anything. Not even me," Gibbs added. He leaned over her desk. He had to make her hurt. It was the only way to make her open up. "How did she die?"

"Slowly, and painfully," she informed him robotically. "Doctors screwed up, damaged her brain. Anything else you want to interrogate me about?"

"What else happened when you were a teenager?" he requested silently. It wasn't only her mother. He could tell that there were other things that led to the way Jenny protected herself.

"Not much. School, college-"

Gibbs cut her off. "What was your dad like, Jen?"

"He drank a little too much. I wasn't his favourite person in the world," Jenny admitted unwillingly. She didn't particularly intend to let him in so deep; it was like she answering direct questions to avoid a dispute. She hated this feeling of being forced talk. He wasn't hostile or threatening, but he was making her trust him.

"He hurt you? Hit you?" Gibbs demanded of his ex-partner. She involuntarily nodded her head in answer to his query. "Any friends you fell out badly with? Lost anybody aside from your parents?"

"When I was fourteen, I lost my friend. He was eighteen and he died in a car crash." It was an automatic response to tell the truth now. "Then, I nearly lost his mom, too. She was thirty years older than me, but she meant the world to me. Still does. She was the one that held me together."

"Was she ill, too?" Another question that demanded a straight answer. He was choosing questions that could be answered simply and honestly so that the pain was over quicker.

Jenny shook her head. "She tried to commit suicide, more times than I can count. But then she got better and she could cope, and she pulled my ass through everything," Jenny explained. The pain of remembering the agony her friend went through had brought tears to Jenny's eyes. She didn't shut down this time. This time, her emotions finally got the better of her. This time, she cried for the first time in so many years. This time, she unburdened herself to the man she knew would protect her.

"What about us, Jenny?" Gibbs enquired with a certain intentional harshness about his tone. He had to make this hurt if he wanted the truth. "Did you leave 'cause you thought I would hurt you? Did you mistrust me, or are you just a coward?"

Jenny's head snapped up. "I might be many things, but I am _not _a coward. I never, ever ran away from my father, or my responsibility to my friend's mother." She rose from her chair and stood squarely in front of Gibbs. "I tell you everything, and you call me a coward. How dare you? A coward would have let that woman kill herself!" she shouted as she punched him in the chest repeatedly.

"A coward would have refused to see their mother the day she died! A coward would have ran from my father rather than stay and care for his wife! I am not a coward," Jenny insisted, still punching Gibbs. "I didn't trust you! I didn't trust anyone! How could I?"

Gibbs immobilised her in a tight cuddle. "I had to be cruel to get you to tell me," he whispered in her ear. "I'm sorry."

"Never say you're sorry," Jenny scolded him unthinkingly. She needed something to ease the pain. That remedy came when she felt Jethro's lips brush against hers and they kissed for the first time in seven years. Jenny pulled away from him and said, "I never wanted you hurt. I just ran."

"I know, Jenny, I know." He looked into her eyes and gave her some advice. "You can't just hide. It'll end up making your life worse than it needs to be."

Jenny just smiled slightly at his wisdom. She knew he was right. He always was when it came to her. And that is why she knew she had been idiotic in not telling him of her childhood. She had told Ziva because she was drunk and upset and it all just spilled out. She didn't even remember it. Now, though, she could feel the weight of her past being shared.

Now, she was free.

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><p><strong>Hope it was OK!<strong>

**Please review!**

**Sarah x**


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